Being Kairos in a Kronos World

My "stepping back from the world" (please see previous post) took longer than I thought! The last time I wrote here even was last January 26 yet! :-O I not only stepped back but dug in deep, even deciding to stop posting in social media altogether since March 27, when the lockdown in our own city and province was about to start. It was just because I felt strongly moved to draw even closer to God in my daily prayers and meditations, and to refresh my own energies away from the madding crowd. Deep inside, I secretly relished the lockdown as an extended time and excuse for me to engage in my solitary joys and to just savor my relationships with my children and family.

Still, through all these weeks and months of interiority, I would become aware of moments of guilt cropping up. Since the lockdown, to still maintain a semblance of "being productive", I had my daily To Do lists and schedules that I tried to follow.

But it came to a point where, whenever I wasn't able to follow a certain schedule for my self, or had a To Do item left undone, I would feel very anxious, and I realized how crazy it was! I actually caused my own anxiety by my insistence on following my To Dos and schedules strictly, when Life is actually giving everyone in the world an opportunity to rest for an extended period given the global lockdowns! I gradually realized then how I was still carrying around with me the energies of the pre-lockdown world and that was what was causing me undue stress from the anxiety and guilt following me around, with the voices in my head haranguing me-- "What are you doing, being lazy, doing nothing?" "You're no good!" "How dare you rest and be happy?!!!" I did more Inner Work and Shadow Work on those dark energies which came up. At least, I am self-aware enough in my journey to see them objectively and to recognize opportunities for further clearing and healing of energies here. As I came to this epiphany, I sensed God's Spirit speak to my spirit in my heart, "Sweetheart, you are a kairos person in a kronos world. Be gentle with yourself". I've heard those terms before, and I thought I vaguely understood what they meant but I researched for them again, just to be sure. This article spoke to me so, as it particularly addressed my experience and struggle right then and there! Essentially, kronos is linear, sequential time, like how we lived in our everyday world before the lockdowns; while kairos is numinous, experiential time, like how we may live now during extended lockdowns. This being and living kairos can be so if we embrace the moments of our days without being anxious or guilty about them for "doing nothing", while savoring our relationships with ourselves, our families, our communities and Nature. This reminds me also of the essence of divine feminine energy: unbound, flowing, creative, intuitive, imaginative, magical, wise beyond words, deeply knowing. And then, this post from the Rose Through Concrete Recovery page in Facebook appeared in my feed, which felt like a synchronistic confirmation of my kairos vs. kronos and divine feminine energy remembering! :-O

So, I let the To Dos and schedules go. Oh, I still have a list of what I'd LIKE to do with my days now (including work), but it's just a list, and I just refer to them to decide which one I'd LIKE to do next in the next moments of my day. As I let the To Dos and schedules go, the anxiety and guilt went away too. I became gentler with my self and just relaxed, letting myself be loved and carried along by God and Life as the days wore on. I waited for my self. I would be reminded of the things I wanted to do here in Diosa Ways but I refused to entertain anxious and guilty thoughts anymore. Instead, I just told my self, "Yes, we'll get there eventually. For now, we're waiting for ourself, okay?" :-) And, as sure as day follows night, that day has come when my self feels ready now to engage more of the outside world again. It's a gentle flowering again, a new blooming, and I feel refreshed, renewed, with new insights and ideas for how I want to go forward here and with my life! Do these experiences speak to you, too? Please comment below to share your experiences also, especially during these times of lockdown. It would be a blessing hearing from you and your experiences!

#DiosaWays #DivineFeminineLiving #TheDiosaLife