How I Turned My Bout of Social Media Envy Around

Do you go on social media and find yourself secretly harboring nitpicky critical thoughts of friends who post something fabulous about themselves? Then, after you turn away or log out (if you still log out), you also find yourself feeling intensely self-doubting after?

You may be under the spell of social media envy!

This happened to me recently, and I was shocked! I've always known myself to be happy and content with my self and my life, and when I go on social media, I go there to express my self and to learn from others, and enjoy peeking into other peoples' journeys and being enriched by their sharing.

For these last three months after my early retirement last July from a successful 23-year academic career, I've been quietly pivoting, focusing on my writing and independently publishing my Diosa 101 and Diosa 1.0 books at Amazon, and building a new skill set learning new things online for another passion project. As I've been focused on working on this new passion project for the last three weeks, I would take breaks by going mainly on Facebook just to see how my family and friends and the rest of the world are. Lately, though, I noticed myself hesitating to even Like people's posts about some happy event, achievement, or award of theirs, when I'm normally a Hearter and not just a Liker, vicariously celebrating others' joys and achievements! Then, yesterday, I actually caught myself secretly putting down somebody's wedding gown style in wedding photos she posted about, when I am normally a huge romantic fan of all things wedding! I felt ashamed of myself for these and recognized Envy's ugly head rearing up, which shocked me so! So I quickly logged out (yes, I do log in/out of all my social media accounts for my mental health's sake) and stayed away from Facebook for a while. Then, as I went back to working on my new passion project, I found that I didn't have as much focus nor motivation for it anymore, harboring intensely self-doubting thoughts which I now recognize as the Impostor Syndrome -- a psychological pattern of not only doubting one's skills, abilities, and talents but actually beginning to think that one is a fraud! So, I stopped what I was doing and went into Stillness, recollecting all my scattered energies, while I deeply breathed and grounded my self. I prayed, too, for help. I know I am not normally like this, so I sensed spiritual attacks assailing me. I told God I am sorry for being envious; please take these envious energies away from me! But, they didn't go away, even after a few hours. I remained Still, though, and listened for Guidance, as I went about the rest of my day, doing more physical tasks, to drop the energies into the ground. Physical activity-- after too much mental activity-- always makes me feel better. Soon enough, God gently revealed this to me -- "Shhh. Your envy is just your frustration, Sweetheart. And the other side of your frustration is your deep desire. Sit with her. Learn from her." So, I continued to keep Still. Then, I felt moved to place both my hands over my heart, as I held space for my self and listened for what my heart would say.

It didn't take long. My heart soon revealed how I've been secretly feeling frustrated with this new passion project I'm working on since I'm applying new skills I've just learned. I feel wobbly, like a kid learning how to ride a bike for the first time, and unsure of myself, even as I've been creating something really good so far, according to my standards.

"So, flip it around, Sweetheart. What is your deep desire underneath this frustration?" It was a lightbulb moment for me! I deeply desire that I become really excellent at this new passion project and master these new skills, like I've always done in all my other projects and work before. This suddenly became clear as day to me!

"So, focus on that deep desire to inspire you then, and not on the frustration that just gets you down." I followed this Guidance, going back to working on my passion project again, with a new clarity and zest this time. I am now more aware of the frustrating feelings when they come up, instead of secretly repressing them before. So, I pause, hold space for my self and just let the frustrating feelings come up, wash over me, then leave, as I watch them come and go -- instead of turning to social media to escape them.

As they come up, I actually greet them now with , "Hello, my deep-desires-taking-baby-steps!", because these frustrating feelings are truly what they are.

In this experience, Envy has now become my mentor and friend, teaching me about what really lies underneath, what's really in my heart. She is just the packaging of my deep desire, after all. I'm not afraid nor ashamed of her anymore. I have let my shadow come to Light. #DiosaWays #DivineFeminineLiving #TheDiosaLife

#ShadowWork #ShadowDance (image by Cristian Dina, from Pexels)